I was very nervous upon arriving. I didn't know what to expect. I was there early. The office looked like a regular doctor's office. So I walked up to the window. There was a group of people in the back starting to work. A lady finally noticed me and came to the window. She slid the window over to open it and said,"Can I help you?" and I asked for Dr. Clairee. "Just go to that door and ring the doorbell and they will come and get you." I walked over to the door and I noticed that it was set up like doorbells in an apartment building. So I pressed the doorbell next to her name. I stood there waiting and thinking am I waiting for a buzz? Do I sit down and wait? After a couple of minutes, I sat down. Another patient came in and rang for another Dr. About 5 minutes later, she poked her head out asking for a different patient. And when she didn't get a response she went back in.
But, I assumed she must have had looked at the wrong information. She came back out and called out my name. She looked surprised. I giggled on the inside. I figured it was more of the wow a hispanic girl is answering to an asian name. I get that sometimes.
We walked across the hall and into her office. It was small with The couch and a desk and another one person couch. I sat down nervous as ever because you see these moments on TV and in movies and there I was. At first, I placed all my belongings on the couch. My purse, newspaper, my hat and my three million coats. LOL. Yes I am wearing 3 coats already. I hate the cold weather. Then I sat in front of it so I was just sitting on the edge of the couch. She asked me a few questions as to how I arrived there. I told her I called the insurance and showed me how to look therapists up.
She asked me some random questions. I answered. She then asks me if I was comfortable sitting on the edge of the couch. So I moved everything and sat more comfortably. Then she asked me what happened? I had envisioned this moment and I thought I would breakdown while trying to explain what happened. But, I guess after months of telling people my scripted answer I have gotten "used" to saying what happened. "An unknown virus. He got sick at 21 days. We took him to the doctor. He passed away in the office. They revived him and sent him to the hospital across the street. We spent 2 days in the hospital but when they ran the brain activity test he was gone." Not one tear came down and to me it felt recited as if I had been practicing those lines for forever.
She asked me several more questions and finally the tears came. She asked how I've been coping. I told her that I have been blogging and meeting people through my blog. We got into that a bit more and she determined that this is not helping me. That I need to step away from this world of babyloss moms. So it is with a heavy, HEAVY heart that I am saying that FOR NOW I am leaving. I will keep you all in my prayers. I am leaving my account open. If you want to email me, please do. I would love to hear from you all.
I will make another post as I have not forgotten my tree giveaway. At this point, it maybe be my farewell tree giveaway now.
